Brought to you by Vigilant Outpost, LLC
Vigilant Scratchpost – Tactical Back Access Device, Mk I
Field-Tested. Feline-Approved.
Reach what others fear to scratch.
The only back scratcher trusted near mission-grade hardware.
Product Description : Finally, a tool that embodies the spirit of relentless precision and unapologetic practicality. The Vigilant Scratchpost is hand-crafted from premium bamboo and battle-tested across home offices, expedition trailers, and the occasional rooftop installation. Whether you're troubleshooting RF interference or experiencing an unscheduled dorsal disturbance, the Scratchpost has your six.
Key Features:
Lightweight, non-conductive, EMI-neutral construction
Doubling as a structural support for Mission Packages during platform maintenance
Optimized handle-to-reach ratio for maximum dorsal impact
Pre-positioned holes (okay, not really, but they drill like butter) for tethering to tool belts, MOLLE rigs, or ceiling fans
Suggested Use Cases:
Emergency morale restoration
Precision bracket nudging
Inter-species peace negotiations (dogs optional)
Customer Review (totally real and not written by us): > “I ordered one as a joke, now I’m 17 deep and scratching like a Bond villain. My cat has one. My neighbor has one. I may be losing friends but I’m gaining reach. 10/10.”
